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Forsaken 4
Forsaken 4
I was only a couple of feet away from the front door, afraid to take the
few steps necessary to turn the knob. Cut, scraped, bruised up, and
dirty…I took in a deep breath. I regretted everything that I did
today. I shouldn’t have run off. I should have just gone to camp like I
was supposed to and obeyed my father like always. Instead…I have to
face him and let him rip into me knowing that I was totally in the
wrong. Look at me. I don’t even want to go in the house. I felt
bad…but I was gonna have to get this overwith eventually. Here goes
nothing.I reached out and opened the cabin door, stepping inside quietly. Not
that it did me much good. “Wesley???” My Mother called out to me from
the kitchen, and I saw her rush around the corner to see me standing
there. “Oh God!!!” She said, and began to move towards me, to wrap me in
her embrace and hold me tight, thankful that I had returned home. But
she didn’t make it. Before she could reach me, my father had basically
pushed her aside and his angry footsteps propelled him forward at a
frightening rate. Before I even had time to gasp, he put his large hands
on both my arms, his fingers digging into my bruises and making me wince
in pain. He gave me a few violent shakes, his eyes glaring at me with an
anger the likes that I had never seen from him before. “WHERE THE HELL
WERE YOU?!?!?!” He shouted. I froze, a feeling of utter shock washing
over me and taking my ability Preteen Lolita Cp
to speak. “ANSWER ME, DAMMIT!!!” He
shook me some more, his anger spit at me through gritted teeth, and the
pain in my arms was unbearable from the way he manhandled me.”Dad…I…” Where do I start? And once I do start, where do I stop?
What should I tell him? What should I NOT tell him? Everything
rushed into my mind at once, getting clogged up in my throat until I
could hardly breathe.”Do you have ANY idea what you put me and your Preteen Lolita Cp mother through
tonight??? DO YOU??? I send you off to camp, and you never show
up! You’re gone ALL day! No phone call, no note, nobody knows WHERE you
are!!!” He screamed, shaking me even harder. The ruckus had gotten my
brother Nick’s attention, and he was quietly watching from the doorway
of our shared bedroom, holding Prince in his hands as the puppy seemed
to watch with the same silent interest. “We called the police, Wesley!
TWICE!!! I drove around in the truck for FOUR HOURS, searching these
woods for you! I didn’t know if you were HURT! I didn’t know if you were
LOST! You could have been DEAD, for all I knew!” He pushed my
back up against the door with a thud. “And now you come waltzing back in
here late at night like nothing’s wrong??? You have really got some
nerve, boy!”"Dad, let me explain…”"Explain WHAT??? You put this whole FAMILY through a CRISIS tonight! Do
you understand???” He shoved me again, and the fear mixed with the
humiliation of having my mother and brother watch this began to make me
angry. “You worried your mother half to death!”"I’m TRYING to tell you what happened!” I said, my voice a bit louder
than before. Preteen Lolita Cp But he put his hand on my neck.”Don’t you DARE raise your voice to me!!! Who do you think you are?” He
hollered as a few stray tears ran down my cheeks.”Henry, please…” My mother finally spoke up for me, trying to calm him
down. Oh how I wish her hug had reached me first.”NO, Helen! This is what happens the second I Preteen Lolita Cp
turn my back! This is what
our little boy does when he sees an opportunity to act like some kind of
degenerate!” It was beyond insulting. I was NOT being a degenerate! How the hell can
he lookat me like some kind of worthless criminal when all I did was
worry about him the whole time that I was gone? It’s not like I was
purposely trying to piss him off OR upset my mom! Why does he always
assume I’m the worst fucking kid on the planet? “I was TRYING to get
home!” I said, my father’s hands holding me still against the wall. “Don’t you lie to me!”"I’m NOT lying!” I said, my anger beginning to bubble to the surface.
“Let me go!” I squirmed free and tried to tone myself down a bit. But it
was like trying to swallow a basketball. My emotions swelled and burned
in my throat, embarrassed beyond belief, and made to stand here accused
of being blatantly ‘wicked’ without him even hearing me out.
“There….there were these kids, ok? They picked me up from the road. I
thought they were going to bring me back much earlier today, but they
didn’t. I was too far out to just WALK, so I just…”"What kids?” He demanded. I stumbled for a second, and he asked louder.
“WHAT…KIDS…WESLEY???”"Just….some kids from the area. Some locals. That’s all.” I spoke
softly, hoping that he wouldn’t ask me to go much further into it.”So the ‘grabbed’ you off the road? Is that what I’m supposed to
believe?”I found myself stumbling again. “They…they didn’t
exactly…grab me…”"What do you Preteen Lolita Cp mean, ‘they didn’t exactly grab you’? Did they put their
hands on you? Did they force you?”I lowered my head. “No. I….I got in Preteen Lolita Cp on my own.”There was a silence while my father shook his head to further shame me.
“You got in on your own.” He said, pacing away from me before coming
right back to put his finger in my face. “When are you gonna grow up,
Wes? Huh? When are you gonna stop playing these little kiddie games and
GROW UP??? I can’t trust you! I brought you here to teach Preteen Lolita Cp you how to be
an upstanding adult, and all you think about is playing games!”"Dad, I TOLD you…it wasn’t like that. I was trying to get home!
WHY won’t you believe me???”"I can’t believe YOU! I can’t believe a single word coming out of
your mouth! You’ve disobeyed me, you’ve disrespected your mother, you
lie, you disappear with no rhyme or reason…HOW am I supposed to listen
to anything you have to say?”"LOOK AT ME!!!” I shouted. “Don’t you even CARE where I’ve been? Don’t
you CARE what I’ve been through tonight? You didn’t even bother to ask
if I was HURT!”"Don’t you take that tone with me!” He shouted. “This isn’t a game
anymore! Do you hear me? You’re not gonna beat me! I’m going to whip you
into shape if it KILLS me!”"Dad…”"Shut your mouth! I’ve heard enough out of you for tonight!” Then he
added, “What’s next, Wes? Huh? Drugs? Alcohol?”"Jesus CHRIST, Dad!!! It was just one little….” But before I
could finish my sentence, I felt a harsh slap cross my cheek. The
contact stung fiercely, and my head jerked to the side as tears came to
me involuntarily. The entire cabin froze solid, with my mother and Nick
gasping in silence. “Don’t you DARE take the Lord’s name in vain in this house!!!” He
screamed. “You WILL respect me! And as long as you are living
under this roof, you are GOING to obey my rules!!!” There was a long
pause between my father and I as I held my face in shock. I didn’t want
to cry, but for some reason, the tears ran free without my consent. What
little restriction I had was bulldozed by the utter rage I felt at
having been humiliated and hurt in the most insulting way. I just stared
at him with watery eyes, a burning anger twisting my stomach into knots
as I held back my every angry word. But at that moment, I’ll be
honest…I wanted to hurt him. I really wanted to hurt him. “Now, when
you wake up tomorrow…you’re going to go down to that camp and you’re
going to apologize to EACH and EVERY one of those counselors for
worrying them and making a spectacle of yourself. And then you’re going
to be the BEST damn camp aid this place has EVER had! Do I make myself
clear?” My bottom lip quivered, my face crimson red, my cheeks stained
with warm tears…and I nodded slowly. Unable to speak for fear that I
would give the hatred inside a release that I wouldn’t be able to
control. “Good! Now go to bed! BOTH of you! Go to bed!” He yelled at
Nick and I, and Nick hurried off to jump into bed before I even turned
in that direction. That’s when my father threw me a towel, hitting me in
the back of the head with it. “Take a shower first! You’re
filthy!” He walked back into the kitchen, and my mother gave me a
worried glance, before going around the corner to be with her husband.
She wasn’t even on my side long enough to hear my side of the story. It
felt like the whole house was against me. And I hated it.
God…how I hated it.I grabbed some underwear out of my bedroom, with Nick under the covers
pretending to have gone to sleep that fast. Then walked into the
bathroom to take as quick a Preteen Lolita Cp
shower as I could before bed. I didn’t want
to cross paths with that man again until the next morning if I didn’t
have to. He had insulted me and cut me down to the marrow without Preteen Lolita Cp the
slightest bit of regret. He just…tells me how evil I am, and how I’m
going astray. He never believes in me. He never ONCE takes my side, or
considers the fact that I’m not exactly an ‘awful’ person. It never
enters his mind that I’m not necessarily a jerk when it comes to most
things. He just wants to believe that my every mistake and Preteen Lolita Cp misfortune is
some Preteen Lolita Cp sort of deliberate attempt to ‘embarrass’ him in front of his self
righteous friends. He expects the WORST of me no matter what I do, and
makes me feel like some kind of loser every chance he gets. I should
have known that him being nice to me before was some kinda fluke.
He was WAITING for me to screw up. He’s always looking for me to do
something wrong so it can further prove his sick point. Preteen Lolita Cp And I HATE it!
What the fuck do I have to do just to get him to leave me alone
once in a while? When is he ever gonna show any kind of ‘faith’ in his
first born son? I suppose that expecting a hug once in a while, or a
positive comment every now and again, is asking too much from my own
father. Maybe he just doesn’t like me anymore. And if he ever found out
that I was gay…he’d like me even less.I felt even more degrading and disgraced as I stripped down and got
ready to climb into the shower. My dad was upset, my mom was
upset…they weren’t bound to let me forget it anytime soon. Not only
that, but my little brother would probably be staring at me
tomorrow…making me Preteen Lolita Cp
self conscious about being punished in front of
him. What did Nick care? He was Mom and Dad’s perfect little blond
angel. There wasn’t a single flaw in him that they couldn’t overlook. My
baby brother had them fooled to the point of sainthood in their eyes.
But me? I was a mistake. Just one big, stupid, mistake. Sometimes, I
really hate this family. I really do. I let the water run down over my feet for a second or two, testing the
temperature, before turning the shower on. Then I just let the spray
cascade over Preteen Lolita Cp my shoulders for a while, the weight of the water pressing
my blond hair down into my eyes. It was probably the most relaxing thing
that I had experienced all day. All I could think about, was my father’s
voice. Angry. Accusing. Insensitive. Unsupportive. Berating. It was like
being wrapped in an embrace of thorns, and his words echoed in the back
of my mind.
“I will NOT be embarrassed!”"The boy needs boundaries, Helen! He’s getting out of control!”"Sometimes I just don’t know what gets into your head.”"What’s WRONG with you?”"Don’t you DARE raise your voice to me!!!”"I told you not to let Freddy touch you so much, Wes.”"This is not a vacation, boy. I didn’t bring you hear to sit in your
room and sulk for three weeks.”Everything he says to me is an insult, or a put down, or a complaint. I
TRY! I KNOW that I try! But nothing is EVER good enough for him!
Nothing ever impresses him. All he wants is for me to be Nick, and skip
along behind him like a good little robot and not cause any commotion.
But I’m NOT Nick! I never will be! Just ONCE, I’d love to have him take
notice of something I did RIGHT, and keep it in the back of his mind for
times like this when he’s calling me a total jackass. Then, as the hurt set in a bit deeper, and I began to lightly run the
washcloth over my scraped and scratched body…it was the voice of the
others that flooded my mind. Kinder voices. Accepting voices. Voice that
encouraged me and made me feel wanted. Kristin…and John Boy…and
Cyrus…
“It Doesn’t matter. Cyrus still sees great things in you.”"He WANTS you to come to him, Wes. He can taste your search…your
need…and he can help you find what you’re looking for.”"You, my friend, are searching for an experience. Something real.
Something Right.”"You impress me.”"All that effort to be a ‘good boy’ and a ‘helpful soul’ and a
‘responsible citizen’ and a ‘loyal friend’…for WHAT??? YOUR life is
still shit, isn’t it?”"What is it? The gay thing? Don’t worry about it. Homosexuality has been
around long before you came along. We won’t hate you for it. It’s
honest. It’s who you are, Wes. You wanted itand you went Preteen Lolita Cp after it. Be
proud of yourself.”The sounds of Cyrus’ warm voice seemed to travel through me with such a
strong surge of emotion. It seemed so much more rational. His words
embraced me, told me the truth, inspired me to just be myself.
“That’s exactly how you looked to me. You were the brightest spectacle
amonst an entire wasteland of dimly lit entities. And I wanted you with
me.” He said.”You want to do your own thing. Be your own person.” He told
me.And the phrase that echoed loudest in my mind as I let the warm water
rush down over my face? “I got soooo tired of being the martyr, Wesley.”Over and over again, I thought about that statement. And that was
exactly how I felt. I swallow my pride, I bite my tongue, I suppress
every urge I have from Preteen Lolita Cp throwing a rock at a window to turning my head to
look at a cute boy in the mall. All for my father. And does he care? Of
course not. It’s much easier for him to ridicule and humiliate me than
it is to assume that I’m not just some wandering toddler in this
wilderness of uncensored evil. I’m not STUPID. I just need to be my own
person. Cyrus understands that. Why can’t he? Cyrus bought me
food, offered me comfort, encouraged my smile, drenched me in sexual
delights, and despite trying to run away from him and all of my
disappointing faults and flaws…he still wants to embrace me as one of
his own. No judgements. No bullshit rules. No stupid ‘attacks’ without
some kind of justified reason. It seemed sorta backwards, seeing Cyrus
as the ‘good guy’ in all this. But as I thought more and more about
it…his way made more sense. All he ever tells me is how beautiful I
am, and special, and intelligent, and intriguing…how I’m better than
most. Even though Preteen Lolita Cp he gets angry from time to time, he never once ‘hurt’
me. He never ‘hit’ me. At least with them I knew where I stood. At least
with them I had a fighting chance to prove myself.As far as my father was concerned…I was nothing more than a common
street thug in training. And I’d never be anything more.The warm shower flowed over my shoulders as I lightly ran a wash cloth
over my cuts and scrapes. For a moment, I thought that I had turned the
water on too hot, but soon recognized it as another flash fever that
began to spread out over my whole body again. It urned and throbbed and
itched all over. It was like that strange feeling of ‘pins and needles’
that you get when your foot falls asleep, but worse, and covering every
inch of you. For a moment, I couldn’t do anything but hold my breath and
take it as it started to become more and more painful. And the more
painful it go, the hotter the fever would Preteen Lolita Cp burn, until I could feel drips
of sweat pour out of me, even under the spray of the shower. I was
nearly at the point of crying out, when the sensation reached its
peak…and began to subside again. Slowly, it faded back to wherever it
came from, and released me from its heated grasp. I felt myself panting
a little bit, and when I looked down at my arms and legs…I saw the
water wash away what I could have SWORN were deep gashes and scratches
on my skin. It was as if the scabbed over areas just ‘fell apart’ and
washed right down the drain. Amazed, I took my washcloth and wiped it
over one of the large abrasions. And without any pain at all…I wiped
away the hardened scar to reveal smooth unblemished skin underneath.
Untouched. No scar, Preteen Lolita Cp
no scratch, not evidence of any kind that the mark
was even there. There was a pounding at the bathroom door. “Get to bed, Wesley. We’re
getting up REALLY early tomorrow, believe me.” He said, an angry tone of
satisfaction in his voice from proving me to be the delinquent he wanted
me to be. I’m sure that I’m quite the ’stress reliever’ for him at the
end of the day. I didn’t answer back. I just quickly washed my hair and turned the
shower off before he came pounding at the door again. When my father was
in a mood like this, he wanted everybody to see it. He wanted to show
off, and be overly dramatic, and act like the apocalypse was only a week
away. I know that he won’t let this go. Not yet he won’t. Not until I’ve
been saturated with his bad attitude and his insults are through doing
their damage. He’s such a fucking CHILD sometimes. I dried myself off, happy to be clean again, and looked at myself in the
mirror. I couldn’t believe that all of those cuts and bruises were
virtually gone, with the exception of a few dark circles here and there.
I turned around to look at my back, and the only thing that remained was
Cyrus’ ‘divine birthmark’, as John Boy called it. And even that had
faded a little bit. But it was still visible. It would always be
visible. “WESLEY!” Came a voice from outside the door.”I’m coming.” I muttered through gnashed teeth. Asshole!I put on a pair of boxers and draped a bathrobe over my shoulders before
opening the door. He was just far enough away where I could walk
directly into my room without having to hear anymore of his ranting and
raving. Not that it stopped him from shouting it from the living room
anyway. “You go STRAIGHT to sleep, do you hear me? Both of you. I don’t
want to hear a single peep coming out of that room until sun up.” I shut
the bedroom door, hoping that it would give me enough of a barrier to
tune him out completely. I said I was sorry. What does he want me to do?
Nail myself to a cross in the middle of camp? Geez!I took off my robe and slipped into bed. That’s when Nick raised his
head from his pillow and whispered, “Where’d you go?”"Nowhere. Go to sleep.” I said, keeping it as short and sweet as
possible.”The police were here. They said they couldn’t declare you missing until
tomorrow, but Dad was gonna make them look for you anyway.”"Nick…” I said, annoyed already, “…I’m HOME! Alright?? It’s done.
It’s over. Now shut up and go to bed. I don’t wanna talk about it.”With a sigh, Nick laid his head back down to his pillow. He was quiet
for a few minutes, and I shut my eyes. But I was too mad to sleep. It
bubbled and churned in the center of my stomach, refusing to let me
relax. Then Nick rolled over onto his back and whispered…”I’m glad
you’re ok. I didn’t want anything to happen to you.”At first, I was almost ready to slug him for still Preteen Lolita Cp talking after I
already told him to shut up…but…shit! The little bastard caught me
by being ’sweet’ again. “Sighhh….thanks.” I said, trying not to take
it out on him.”Did you fall? You looked really dirty when you came in.”"Yeah…I fell.” At least he had the common decency to ask.”Are you alright?”"Sure. I’m fine. It didn’t hurt that much.”"Ok.” He said, pausing for a few seconds. “Dad was really mad at you for
not going to camp, Wes.”"Dad’s ALWAYS mad at me for something.” I answered.”But this time, he said he wasn’t going to take anymore disobedience on
your part. He said…” Nick rolled on his side to face me, “…He said
he might send you away.”I didn’t look at Nick, I just stared at the dark ceiling above me,
feeling a deep hatred building up inside of me, almost bringing tears to
my eyes. “Is that what he said?” I could hear the tremble in my own
voice, and it only made the emotion worse. It settled into this feeling
of despair, of hopelessness….defeat. “Yeah. I heard him talking about it with Mom. It’s some kind of
corrections school or something far away from here. He said you needed
discipline.”"I didn’t….do anything wrong…” I sobbed under my breath. “Why does
he hate me so much?” I knew why. Because I wasn’t Nick, that’s
why.”I don’t know.”"I don’t wanna be sent away.” I said, feeling tears roll back from my
eyes and down onto the pillow behind my head.”I don’t want you to be sent away either.” Nick whispered. “Why did you
have to run away from camp today? If you keep doing stuff like this,
it’s only going to make him madder.”"I didn’t do anything so bad that he has to send me away.”"It doesn’t matter. Why can’t you just do what he says, so you won’t get
into trouble?” Nick asked, and I just wanted him to stop talking. To
just leave me to my miserable existence in peace. “Wes? Come on…he’s
really upset this time.”"Go to bed, Nick.” I said, feeling more tears bleed from my eyes as I
rolled over on my side to face the other direction.”He really means it, Wes. He’s gonna send you away if you don’t
straighten up.” What the FUCK does ‘little boy perfect’ over there know
about straightening up? Who is he to tell me I need to improve my
attitude.”Leave me alone. Just mind your business and go to sleep.” I said. “If I
get sent away, then I just get sent away. End of story. I don’t care
anymore.”"Why are you being like this? Can’t you just…NOT do stupid
stuff to get yourself in trouble? Why can’t you just act right?”"You don’t know anything about it, ok?” I said, my voice louder than a
whisper now. “You’re such a jerk. Everything Preteen Lolita Cp would be fine if you stopped trying to
piss off Dad all the time.”I shot up in my bed to stare him down. “I TOLD you to shut up! LEAVE ME
ALONE! You don’t have ANY idea what you’re talking about! Just GO TO
SLEEP!” I shouted.My father’s voice boomed from the other room. “SLEEP! NOW! BOTH OF YOU!
One more word and it’s gonna be big trouble! If I have to come in there,
you’ll BOTH be sorry!”I turned my back to Nick again, and covered myself up to my neck in my
sheets. Behind me, I could hear Nick slam his head down to his pillow
and yank his covers up in a huff, pouting silently to himself over my
outburst. But what did I care? Nick’s blond, he’s young, he’s cute, he’s
heterosexual, and he’ll always be my parent’s favorite little boy. The
rest of his life is going to be a garden of roses in comparison
to mine. People would bend over backwards to please that kid, and he’d
be the first to rub it in my face every chance he got. So let him pout
like a baby. It’s probably the worst thing he’ll ever have to put up
with until the day he dies.I turned my face into my pillow and cried quietly, hoping my little
brother was too upset to hear me. Send me away? He wants to send me
away? How unfair is that? I’m NOT a bad person! I’m NOT! I do EVERYTHING
I CAN to be a good son for them they just….they just…’hate’
me. That’s all. They just hate me. Those were the last thoughts to cross my mind, before I fell asleep.It felt like walking on thin ribbons of paper, the grass beneath my
feet. Was this real? It was hard to tell. While I usually feel aware of
myself in my dreams, this one was different. I had no ’sense’ of myself.
I couldn’t see what I looked like, but I knew it was different. I could
tell. I could feel the night wind brush past me, the moon shining down
on me, but that image didn’t feel stable. It didn’t feel real. And Preteen Lolita Cp
as I
looked down again, I noticed that my bare feet were now standing in my
kitchen at home. Not the cabin…but at home. I felt as though I Preteen Lolita Cp were
ten feet tall, and had to take in huge amounts of air just to fill my
lungs. I could feel my chest rising and falling in large sweeping gasps.
The room was pitch black, but I was aware of everything in it. And it
was then that I felt a large warm puddle of blood at my feet. Like a
thick heated Preteen Lolita Cp syrup, almost an inch or two off of the floor, rising up
between my toes. I couldn’t see my own hand in front of my face, but
could feel my fingers…long and angled in an unnatural way, dripping
down to add to the puddle below. Covered in warm red liquid, small bits
of skin and tissue jammed tightly up underneath my long black
fingernails. I noticed my arms covered in blood, then my chest…then my
chin. There was a bitter taste in my mouth. The acidic burn of human
blood, accented by the nauseating flavor of Preteen Lolita Cp chunks of raw flesh stuck
between my teeth. Skin, and strands of hair, even chipped pieces of
bone from biting so deeply. As I used my tongue to pull the meat
from my canines, I gave the pieces a few more chews before spitting the
bitter flesh from my mouth. The taste was both disgusting and arousing
at the same time. And as I looked down…to see my mother, father, my
little brother Nick, and even the ‘puppy’…ripped into an almost
unrecognizable heap of slaughtered shreds down at my feet…it
was only then that I realized……That I was smiling.I sat straight up in my bed with a jolt, my heart beating so hard that I
had to clutch my hand to my chest to keep it from bursting out of it. My
forehead was burning, and it felt as though my blood was running hot,
like molten lava in my veins. I worked to catch my breath, the lingering
images of my nightmare still clinging to my reality. I used the damp
sheets surrounding me to wipe my brow free of perspiration. What the
hell was going on with me these days? I can’t even SLEEP without
something going wrong. I rubbed my eyes and looked over at my little
brother in the next bed. He had kicked off his sheets, naked except for
a pair of nearly see-through tighty whitey briefs, snoring ever so
softly with his head facing the other way. My skin felt as though it
were crawling. Rippling. And despite the utter horror of what I was just
dreaming, I felt more sexually charged that I had ever felt in my life.
I was stiff and extremely sensitive to the point where even feeling the
fabric of my boxers against me was nearly orgasmic. Even looking at the
form of my brother in the dark, which was usually a normal experience,
became almost…erotic. He was there, laying on his stomach,
shirtless, smooth creamy white skin, not a hair in sight, not even under
his arms. Soft blond hair that glimmered even in the dark, and faint
traces of boyish sapling muscle in his back and shoulders, not a blemish
on him from his neck all the way down to his waist. His small bubbled
cheeks rose with the most seductive curve, arching softly outward from
the small of his back, and the briefs were so tight that they accented
the tight cleft in between. Mentally, I had disgusted even myself for
looking at my own brother in such a way. But my body ached for release.
ANY release. And at that moment, he appeared to be the most sexually
desireable creature imaginable. Thoughts entered my mind. Strange
thoughts. Fantasies of crawling over the foot of his bed, and licking a
long smooth trail…from the back of his knee…sliding wetly up his
supple thighs…and then slowly tracing the fabric of his briefs around
the leg. Further inside, in between his legs where I could feel the heat
of him on my cheeks, lewdly licking the small cloth covered sack from
behind…with my nose and Preteen Lolita Cp face buried deeply in the snug area between
those pert young cheeks. My hands kneading the impossibly soft mounds,
only a little more than a handful each. Sucking hungrily at that sensual
nexus, and laving further upward to taste the most heated space of
all.I clamped my eyes shut, hoping to shake the image from my mind. And I
quickly got out of bed. I made sure not to look at Nick at all as I left
the room and went to the bathroom. It was pretty late, and both of my
parents were fast asleep. I closed the door and switched on the light,
making my way over to the sink. I let the water run cold and splashed it
a few times over my face. The cool sensation did comfort me a bit, and
my erection began to droop little by little, still tingling in
anticipation. I felt as if I could have had sex with 100 men and not
have been satisfied. I’m surprised that I made it in here before
exploding. I don’t know what Cyrus awakened in me, but if that’s how
THEY feel all the time, no WONDER they have so many orgies!I took a towel off of a nearby rack, and I wiped my face. Get a grip,
Wesley. It was just a dream. A dream and a boner. You’re ok. You’re ok.
I looked closer at myself, and noticed my eyes. They were completely
dialated. I mean ‘completely’. I was surprised that I could see at all,
to tell you the truth. But…my body started to calm down, and things
felt like they were under control again. For a brief moment though…I
thought I was seriously losing my mind. I shut off the light and walked
softly back to my room. Nick was still in the same position, still
practically naked. But it had no effect. It was my brother. On top of
that he’s not even 12 yet. I don’t know why, but I stared for another
few seconds before reaching out a hand to grab his blanket and toss it
over his lower half. He didn’t stir at all. What in God’s name would
cause me to see Nick as any kind of temptation whatsoever? I couldn’t
tell you. But whatever it was, thankfully, it was gone. I walked back
over to my bed, and slid back into the sheets. They were still a bit
damp, but not uncomfortably so. Besides, I was still exhausted, and knew
my father would be back in just a few hours to rag on me again. So, with
a yawn, I rolled over and tried to get myself comfortable again. But as
I ran my fingers up under my pillow…I felt shreds in the mattress.
Right through the sheets. I lifted the pillow to look, and sure
enough…it was like a series of ‘claw’ marks, ripping through the sheet
and digging into the bed. Not too deep, mind you, but they were
definitely there. I ran my fingers over the indentations a few times,
then scooted over to try to get some more sleep. I’ll have to remember
to cover those up, or flip the mattress or something so my parents don’t
see it. Afterall, if my dad sees something like that, he’s liable to
assume I’m some kind of savage vandal with no respect for other people’s
property, and that I did it on purpose. Seems to be the natural order of
things around here. “Hey!” I felt a harsh shake at my shoulder, and I couldn’t believe that
my dad was waking me up THIS early. “Get up!” He whispered loudly.
“Let’s move. I don’t want you dragging your feet. You’ve got some
apologies to make. Don’t think I forgot.” He said, and then took Preteen Lolita Cp my
pillow from under my head and threw it on the floor next to me before
leaving. It took me a minute or two of glaring at the ceiling, trying to
talk myself out of being furious at him for being such a fucking grump
about it. MOST parents would have been happy to see their child home
safe and sound. Then again, MOST parents give a damn about Preteen Lolita Cp their
kids.I stretched out, every muscle in my body tightening up almost into a
cramp, before relaxing again. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I felt
a little bit stronger than I did the day before. In fact, except for a
little soreness in my arms, legs, and chest, I felt like a jock that
morning. Must have been all that sexual excercise, I’m sure. I
got up out of bed and pulled on a pair of jeans and some socks. I heard
Nick turn over in Preteen Lolita Cp his bed, but he was still fast asleep. I stared at him
for a minute, worried if what I was thinking about last night was ever
going to strie me again. But nope, nothing. So I buttoned up a shirt and
grabbed my shoes, looking at Nick as I left the room. Weird, freak
occurrence. That’s all it was. A weird, freak occurrence.I walked over to the breakfast table where my father was already dressed
and waiting, reading the paper with some eggs and toast in front of him.
He turned down a corner of his newspaper the second I sat down, “I hope
you’re rested up. Because we’re going to make sure that you’re a real
‘patriot’ for the rest of this week. Believe me.” He said. I didn’t
answer. He was just trying to provoke me. Instigate another argument so
he’ll have a reason to yell at me again. I didn’t want to give him the
satisfaction. “You can sulk all you want.”"I’m not sulking.” I mumbled, almost involuntarily. “What?” He asked, putting he paper down on the table. Don’t do it, Wes.
You’re falling into the trap.”Nothing.”"You’re in need of a serious attitude adjustment, boy. I’m gonna make
sure you get one. You just keep it Preteen Lolita Cp
up.” He said. “You’re going to stay
right by my side all day long. I don’t want you to leave my sight unless
I tell you to. You hear?” I didn’t even bother to look up from my plate.
“YOU HEAR?” He said louder.”Shhh…Henry, it’s early.” My mom said, bringing over some cooked ham
and scrambled Preteen Lolita Cp eggs to put on my plate right out of the pan. Her eyes
barely connected with mine at all. After all the times I considered her
to be on my side…she offered me not a single word of comfort. Nothing
to say in my defense. Nothing to even give me the opportunity to defend
myself. Fine…I see how it goes. She’s no better than he is.Why is he even doing this? It doesn’t PROVE anything. It doesn’t
SOLVE anything. What’s the damn point? LOOK at him…just sitting over
there with his coffee and paper, ’stewing’ over something so petty when
he could just let it go. He’s just doing this to be MEAN. I suppose
Cyrus was right. All of those good grades and manners and helping out at
the church don’t mean shit where it really matters, huh?It was then that I cut a piece of the ham and lifted it to my lips to
take a bite. I chewed it a bit…but…something was missing.
Actually…it tasted like EVERYTHING was missing. It was almost like
chewing a wad of dollar store toilet paper. I swallowed it down uick and
tried to eat from the other end of the ham slice that I had, but it was
more of the same. I couldn’t explain it, but it was like all the flavor
was completely gone. As though it had been ‘cooked out’. Deprived of its
life Preteen Lolita Cp essence. I tried not to make any visible faces from the lack of
taste, and just tried to scarf it down so I’d have enough food in my gut
to take me throughout the morning until lunch. I suppose anything is
better than the mess hall food at this place. I took larger bites,
hoping to chew it just enough to get it down my throat without choking.
My mom was usually such a great cook. Maybe it’s just the meat in this
place. I kept chewing, and chewing…and out of nowhere, I began to get
the strangest flashbacks from my dream last night. Strong ones. I did my
best to ignore it, but it was like I could feel the warmth of their
fresh blood on my chest. I could feel the flesh beneath my nails. And as
I was chewing that ham…I was reminded of that taste….that salty,
bitter, awkward taste. Large chunks of human skin, wet with blood,
seasoned by deposits of fat, and textured with cartillage and chips of
bone. I could feel my teeth biting down on muscle, the feel of it
stretching and and pulling back from my jaws grip exciting me. I bit
down on something soft…squishy. And a delicious juice flooded my
mouth, dribbling out of the side of my grinning lips. Something
round….a human eye.”HACCKKK!!!” I coughed up the meat in my mouth and spit it out into a
napkin! The dreamlike images hd taken over for Preteen Lolita Cp
a moment, and the second
they let me go, I was almost sick. “What the hell is the matter with you?” MY father asked. But I was
spitting out as much of my breakfast as I could. Every last morsel of
meat. I even wiped off my tongue, and drowned out the imagined flavor
with an entire glass of orange juice. “Wesley?”"It’s nothing. Just…thought I bit down on something. That’s all.” I
said, getting up from the table. “I’m really not hungry anyway.” I
scraped my plate into the trash while my mother looked on slightly
worried, and then put my plate in the sink. “Sorry, Mom.” I left the
kitchen to go put on my shoes. The whole time…trying to rid myself of
that repulsive image. Jesus…I just couldn’t shut my eyes tight enough
to forget about it. But I tied up my shoes and walked over to the door.
“I’ll wait out in the truck.”I climbed into the front seat and just leaned my head back,
occassionally spitting out of the window. My mouth felt like it was full
of grease and contaminates, it was sickening. I couldn’t spit enough of
it out. But I stopped once I saw my father walk out of the house. I just
tried to sit there and ignore it. He climbed into the driver’s seat and
started up the truck. Then we started on our way. He didn’t talk to me
much during the ride. Which was fine by me. I didn’t really have much to
say to him after last night. And anything that he had to say to
me was probably going to be spit in my face in the form of some
venemous insult that I wasn’t going to pay much attention to anyway. I
guess you could say that the silence was refreshing. Too bad it couldn’t
be like that all day.The second he put the car in park, he got out and says, “Come here.”
With a stern look in his eye. I walk towards him, and he puts his hand
on the back of my neck. Almost identical to the way that Cyrus would do
it, but my father’s grip was much tighter. Angrier. And I was instantly
humiliated the second Preteen Lolita Cp we stepped into the lodge.”Wesley! You’re ok. That’s Greeeaaaat!” Mr. Rigby said. “I’m glad to Preteen Lolita Cp see
that you weren’t hurt or lost.”"Go on. Tell him.” My father said, and I looked up at his eyes. He
squeezed my neck harder and directed my attention to Mr. Rigby. “GO ON!
Apologize.” Oh my God, don’t tell me that he was actually SERIOUS about
this? Jesus! “Tell him you’re sorry.”"I’m…sorry if I worried you, Mr. Rigby. I’m ok.” I said.”It’s ok. As long as you’re alright.” It’s not that he really cared one
way or the other. Unlike my own flesh and blood…he was actually happy
to see me. However, my dad wasn’t content yet.For the next twenty five minutes, he took me to each and every single
church counselor on the early morning shift, and gave me the
embarrassing task of having to apologize to them one by one. Looking
them in the eye when I spoke. None of them scolded or reprimanded me for
disappearing. If anything, they all mirrored Mr. Rigby’s concern. But my
dad didn’t stop until I reached every last one of them. Even some of the
counselors that were my age. God I hope he doesn’t make me do this later
when the other counselors get here. Maybe he’ll get his fill of
’shaming’ me beyond belief by then.He made sure to give me the dirtiest jobs that morning, and wouldn’t
stand for a single whine. He was never more than a few steps away from
me for the first three hours, and frankly, I got sick of looking Preteen Lolita Cp at him.
Got sick of him looking at ME! I felt like a prisoner, a slave. Like a
dog tied to a metal pole in the middle of the backyard…getting more
and more ferocious by the minute. But I didn’t protest outloud. The way
I see it, the sooner I get through this punishment and back to my OWN
town, the better.My first break from the torture of being under my father’s militaristic
regime came when he Preteen Lolita Cp was called to meet with some of the other counselors
for tomorrow’s activities. I took a five minute breather, my shirt and
pants covered in mud and some strange mixture of tree moss and forrest
slime. Not to mention that I’m sure I’ve been bitten by every species of
insect in existence at this point. But I was still able to work up
somewhat of a half smile when I caught sight of Kyla as she walked over
to join me from the field. “I take it you made a daring getaway last
night?” She grinned.”I got away, sure enough. But it’s what I came HOME to that I should
have been running from in the first place.” I moaned.”Yeah, so I heard.” Kyla giggled a bit as she pushed some of her long
brown hair over her shoulder. “Some of the other teen counselors were
talking about you today. They said something about…an apology?”
She eased me with an evil smile. “Aww, shut up!”"Oh no, I want my apology, Wesley. Afterall, I was worried about you. So
let’s hear it.”"Fuck off.”"Oooh, that doesn’t sound very ‘apologetic’ to me.” Then she put a hand
on my shoulder. “Don’t look so SERIOUS! I’m just fucking with ya. Don’t
sweat it. Half of the teen counselors in this place are here as some
kind of punishment. And the other half are Preteen Lolita Cp
parental robots who are gonna
end up at the crossroads between being a priest or a serial killer.
You’ve got nothing to worry about.” She told me. “But between you and
me…it IS kinda funny! Now…my apology, please. Before I have to go
get your dad and tell him how ‘awful’ you made me feel inside when you
didn’t show up to camp yesterday.”I turned my eyes to the ground, and couldn’t help but let a smile break
out on my face as I held back a refreshing laugh. “I’m sorry I worried
you, ya heartless bitch.” I giggled.”Apology accepted.” She gave me a little shove, and we both broke out
into a quiet snicker.”Don’t make me smile. If my dad catches m having a good time,
he’ll make things even worse.”"I know. I kinda figured. But I was too curious about yesterday to leave
you alone.”"Yesterday?” I asked.”Yes. Preteen Lolita Cp Yesterday. Hello? The Rainbow’s End kids? You spent like an entire
DAY with them, didn’t you? I mean…what was THAT like? They don’t just
let anybody roll with them.”"Whatever. I’m not THAT important.”"Dude…I don’t think you get it. Those guys hardly even TALK to anybody
unless they’re having sex with them, or….” Then she Preteen Lolita Cp stopped, a big
smile on her face. “…OMIGOD! Did you have SEX with one of them??? The
blond girl who’s always hanging out with them???” “What? NO!” I said, but couldn’t hide my blush. Thank goodness she
didn’t know about Sebastian.”You DID, didn’t you? Holy shit…you son of a bitch!”"Kyla…”"It’s ok, it’s ok. Mums the word. But I know it had to be good. Sex is
their ’sepcialty’ afterall. At least for the boys it is. Hehehe!” She
said. “Kyla? Can you help us set up for the camp meeting?” I saw Brother Chris
come over to ask for her assistance.”Sure thing. I’ll be there in a minute.” She replied, and he walked off
without saying much else. I’m sure that after seeing Cyrus and the gang
the other day, interrupting our activities and knowing my name, he knew
what I was up to yesterday. And who I was with. He didn’t really say
much, but the look in his eye told me exactly what I needed to know. He
gave me a short glance, and walked away. What did I care? “Listen, I’ve
gotta help them set up for Preteen Lolita Cp prayer. Where are you gonna be later?”"Prayer?” I asked. “That’s not until three o’clock.”"Yeah, but they’ve got a special one today for some locals supporters of
the camp who died in a fire yesterday. So…they wanna pray for the
families and such.”"Fire?”"Yeah. Didn’t you hear about it? Some old diner not far from here got
burned to the ground yesterday. It was some little greasy spoon on the
side of the old road. The owner and his daughtered died inside. They
used to donate money to the camp every year. So we’re having a small
memorial for them.” She said.My blood ran cold. Ice cold. “Did…did they say where this diner
was?”She shrugged her shoulders. “Hell, I dunno. Somewhere not far from town,
I’d suspect. A little rundown steakhouse type of place…on an old dirt
road.”My head began to spin. I felt sick to my stomach. Was this…could it
be…the same place Cyrus had taken me to eat earlier? Was it? What the
hell was going on here? And why did I suddenly feel so damn wicked?”Uh oh…here comes your, um…friend.” Kyla smiled. I turned my
head to see Freddy walking over to greet us, but it didn’t look like
Kyla was sticking around. “You two have ‘fun’, hehehe!” She smiled, and
gave me a playful slug in the shoulder before taking off.”Hi, Wesley.” Freddy said as he approached. His shyness was already
evident, even though he tried to hide it. “I hope I didn’t..interrupt
anything…I was just…”"Oh Kyla? No. No dude, it’s ok. She’s just, a good friend. What’s up?” I
said, now walking slowly beside him behind the lodge.”Nothing. I just…wanted to say hello. I saw you over here, so…” He
trailed off a bit, then smiled at me from the side. “I’m sorry you got
into trouble for Preteen Lolita Cp
yesterday.”"Geez! You know about it too? Great!” I groaned.”The whole camp knows. But I was…you know…I was worried about you. I
went out by myself with a flashlight trying to find you, ya know?” He
said, a slight blush rising in his cheeks.”Really?” I asked.”Yeah, well…I didn’t want you to be lost. You know…unless I was lost
with you.” It was meant to be sweet when he said it, bu I saw his
eyes suddenly widen as though it had slipped out unconsciously. “I
mean…I don’t mean it like THAT! I just mean..so I could…help you
find your way home! If we were lost together, that is!” He
stumbled and he stuttered and he fidgeted nervously with his pants
pockets. And as he babbled along, trying to cover his tracks…my senses
picked up on something weird. I mean…it was like…this scent,
you know? It’s nearly impossible to explain, but there was this
definitive aroma that I could definitely sense radiating from Freddy
while he spoke. It was sugary and sweet, as though someone had added a
mint flavored nectar to his sweat glands, giving him the faint flavor of
candy. I kid you not. It Preteen Lolita Cp
was more of a ’sensation’ than a smell, but as
I talked to him, it became more and more evident. His body was producing
it all on it’s own. And when I smiled at him to tell him that it was ok
and that I know what he meant…the scent became even stronger.
I squinted my eyes a little bit, and smiled at him again. “So Freddy…I
mean…I’m sorry if you were worried about me and all. I was ok all
along. Just…ditching camp.” I couldn’t help but want to bury myself in
that scent. It was so warm. So arousing. “You don’t have to apologize to me, Wesley. I don’t mind you having some
fun on your own.”"Well…it might have been a little bit more fun, if YOU were
there.” I gave him a flirtatious smile, and had to think about what I
was doing. Something…deep inside…had suddenly been switched on. A
slightly mild version of what I experienced when I looked over at my
baby brother’s half naked body last night. It was this sexual rush of
wanton desire that seemed to only be enhanced by that magical aroma of
his. It called to me. Compelled me. And Preteen Lolita Cp
without even
knowing it…I was actually ‘flirting’ with Freddy. “No…I’m no fun.” He blushed.”Actually, you’re a lot of fun, Freddy.” I said, and reached up a
hand to lightly rub his cheek. I smiled at him a bit more, staring deep
into his eyes, and I could tell he was scared. Sooooo scared. “You
know…maybe one day soon, you and me can take that hike you asked about
before. It would be cool. I mean…to get away from all these people and
just…’talk’ for a while.” It was an unprecedented move for me, and
Freddy, while really cute, was never my first choice for a boy to kiss
or have sex with. But at that moment, as my juices ran hot and his eyes
reflected that same interest…nothing seemed more right. I lusted for
him. Not only for his body…but for his soul. I could feel how much he
wanted me. I could feel it coursing through my veins…exciting me twice
as much as it excited him. That delightful fragrance surrounding him
became addictive, and the more I teased his sexual urges….the more it
swirled around his slim body and filled the air around him. He was
aroused, I could tell. I wanted him to be. I wanted to take it as far as
I possibly could. How amazing would it be…for Freddy to finally taste
the boy he had been dreaming about for so long? How long could he hold
off that Preteen Lolita Cp
explosive orgasm…knowing that it was ME, his dream boy, his
Wesley…kissing and licking and sucking his most private place…aching
for him to do the same? Freddy would be Preteen Lolita Cp in paradise. I had the power to
make his every fantasy come true, working my body on top of him, making
him gasp and moan in desperation, creating a blindingly surreal
experience for him that would last him the rest of his life. Just to let
him have me. Just to let him touch me. Come on, Freddy. I know you want
to. You’ve always wanted to touch me. Well here I am baby….here I am.
Let’s do it. Let’s do it now.”Wesley?” I heard my father’s voice from in front of the lodge, and
brought my hand down from Freddy’s cheek. “Maybe we’ll pick up where we left off later. Ok?” I said. I think
Freddy was so shaken by my sudden change in demeanor that he could
hardly move. My flirtatious gesture alone would probably provide him
with hours of jack off fantasies for weeks to come. Good. There’s no
better stroke of ego than seeing the look of sensual addiction in
someone else’s eyes. He nodded, a horrified, but extremely anxious look
on his face. I knew it. I always knew. But I doubt that I’d need any
more proof than what I had right now.”Wesley!” My father called again. Freddy had a rather noticeable bulge
in his pants, but I didn’t draw any atention to it. It wasn’t ‘full’,
just enough to notice that it was there. Man…the will power it must
have taken him to keep himself at ‘half mast’ must have been incredible.
Just then, my dad came around the corner, and saw Freddy and I standing
together behind the lodge. “I thought I told you to stay out front where
I could see you.” He said. He looked at Freddy, then back at me.”Sorry, Dad. I just wanted to apologize to Freddy. Just like everybody
else. About yesterday.” I said. But my father took a hold of my arm.”We need you over here right now. You can talk to Freddy later.” Funny
how making amends with the ‘gay boy’ wasn’t that much of a necessity in
his eyes, huh?”See you later, Freddy.” I said, and gave him aother bashful grin as I
watched him tremble and quake where he was standing.”O-o-ok, Wesley….” He said, and he could hardly stand still. I don’t
know what it was about exciting him so much, but I liked it. And it
brought my own libido into full blossom. “What do you think you’re doing?” My father asked me, after marching out
of earshot from where we were just a few moments ago. His grip on my arm
was so tight that it began to hurt, and he turned me to face him as he
spoke to me in an angry hush. “What did I tell you about letting Freddy
touch you?” He said.The comment snapped me out of my thoughts, and I wrinkled up my
forehead. “What? What are you talking about?”"I’m talking about letting him sneak you back behind the lodge just now.
Do you not listen to ANYTHING that I tell you?” “Sneak me? Dad, Freddy didn’t sneak me anywhere. I went because
he wanted to talk. That’s it. He’s my friend.”"He’s NOT your friend! Can’t you see that?” He said, holding my
arms tight and down by my sides. “That boy is about as abnormal as they
come, and I DON’T want you talking to him! Do you understand me?” What
the hell Preteen Lolita Cp was he saying?”What do you mean ABNORMAL???” I protested.”YOU know damn well what I mean!” He shook me to make his point. He must
have seen the anger building in me and lowered his voice. Almost
pleading with me to understand. “I know Freddy seems like a good boy,
Wes. I know. But…you CAN’T just go around letting him get too close to
you. He’s….he’s sick, son. Do you hear what I’m telling you?”
It was probably the first time I had ever heard the words leave his
mouth so blatantly. It was the most unapologetic form of hatred that I
had ever heard from him. And even then he was holding back from saying
it outloud. “Dad….?”"His sickness is NOT to touch you. You hear me? No more.” He said, and
it truly broke my heart. “You’re at an age now, where you’re getting
curious about a lot of things, Wes. And boys like Freddy….well,
they’re looking to take advantage of that. Force you to make choices you
don’t want to make.” He said. “It only takes ONE time, son. Just ONE
time. And you’ll end up burning in hell right next to him.” I couldn’t
believe my EARS! Why was he doing this??? Why did I have to be here to
hear this? My God…he hates fags. He thinks I’m going to burn in hell!
My own father! Probably my whole family! I can’t believe Preteen Lolita Cp he’s
saying this to me right now. I can’t believe that he could hate me so
much. He grabbed me in a short embrace, and said, “You’re a good looking
boy, Wes. Don’t throw your life away. People are going to want you to do
some disgusting things…and I’m just trying to protect you. Ok?” I was
sick. The pit of my stomach was about to bubble over and spill out on
his shoes. I didn’t return the hug, but I felt my eyes get watery, my
vision blurring slightly as I tried to deal with the emotions rushing up
to the surface. It was proof. Proof that I’d never be what my father
needed me to be. Proof that he would have hated me no matter what I had
done to show him that I was a good person. Proof that…in his eyes…I
was as worthless and as outcast as my original feelings made me when I
first figured out that I liked boys in the first place. He was disgusted
with me…and I was going to burn in hell. The God that he had been
devoted to his whole life…told him so. Eternal damnation, just for
loving the wrong sex. Just for being born with the wrong ‘feelings’.
Just for…being ’sick’.When he let go of me, I was speechless. I felt a disconnection from my
father that I had never felt before. A complete abandonment of
everything he ever taught me, every rule he ever enforced upon me, every
good comment or moral concept that he had ever given me. It was all
bullshit, wasn’t it? ALL of it. He didn’t care about me. He didn’t want
what was best for me. He just wanted his own little sheep to be like
everybody else. Somebody to obey his every command and mold in his
image. He didn’t love me for me. He loved me for who he WANTED me to be.
Because who I really was inside…wasn’t good enough. The person I was
inside…was a figment of his imagination, and he didn’t want the ‘real’
me spoiling the illusion. When he let go of me, when I was out of his
embrace…I Preteen Lolita Cp
felt like I’d never let him hug me again. Out of all the
nasty things he’s ever said to me, all the punishments he’s dished
out…this hurt more than anything. This burned a hole in my very
spirit. And I gave up. Just like that…I gave up. I’m done.
Every hope I ever had of pleasing that man was gone. All that was left
behind…was the truth. He loathed my very existence. And I didn’t want
to be Preteen Lolita Cp near him anymore.The next few hours were spent feeling sorry for myself really. There was
this unavoidable silence inside of me, and I didn’t have anything to say
to anybody. I’m sure most of the other counselors thought that it was
just me sulking over yet another punishment. But it went a lot deeper
than that this time. At this point…I almost wanted to be sent
away. Brother Chris attempted to cheer me up once or twice, but he
wasn’t necessarily the most ‘entertaining’ person in the world. Didn’t
matter though. You could have set a clown on fire while he danced the
Charleston on stilts, and I doubt I would have had the heart to pay it
much attention. I felt paper thin. And the only thought running through
my mind was telling me that I had two choices on how to live the rest of
my life. Be honest, and have my parents and little brother hate and
abandon me forever for living a vile and perverted lifestyle. Preteen Lolita Cp Or I could
lock myself down, lie about everything I am, and try my best to swallow
my true feelings…never once knowing what real life and love could have
been like…had I only given it a chance. Somehow, that didn’t seem like
much of a choice to me.The feeling swelled in my chest, and it felt as though my heart and
lungs were being filled up with wet cement. Getting heavy, and murky,
hardening into a cold slab in the faint shape of the organs they used to
be. Every breath I took felt pointless. Every step had lost all meaning.
And when I saw Casey in the distance, riding his bike to go work at his
uncle’s store…I was almost too ashamed to look at him. Too ashamed to
notice him. Worried that if I let my eyes wander over his beauty, that
my ‘illness’ would overflow. I couldn’t Preteen Lolita Cp help wanting him. Why damn
myself further by giving into the temptation to look?”Wesley…” My father approached me with a folded map, but I didn’t even
look at him. My name sounded like a curse word in his mouth. “…Here’s
what I need you to do. Three groups of campers are going to take an
extended nature hike tomorrow around the Eastern area of the camp. I
marked it off right here. I want you to take this compass and this map,
and mark off a trail for them.” He gave me a backpack full of little red
marker flags. I looked at the map and then at his face in disbelief.
“You put the markers down, try to stay away from the main roads as much
as possible, and we want to meet here, in this park, for a lunch
break…”"Dad…” I said. “…This is 2 miles out, and 2 miles back.”He ignored my observation entirely. “Try to make it so the young ones
aren’t going through areas with too much mud. And Preteen Lolita Cp
no heavy inclines
either. Here’s the map.”I just stared at him. “Why are you doing this?” I asked softly.For a second, I thought I had seen a moment of weakness in him. A pause
that might have revealed some level of guilt for working me like a dog
these past few hours. But I guess I had imagined it. I guess, in his
mind, I deserved it. “If you start now, you can be back before lunch is
over.” He said, a stoic look on his face, and then he walked away from
me. He never once looked Preteen Lolita Cp back. He wanted me gone. He wanted to send me
away. And what choice did I have, but to do what he says? When you’re 14
years old, you’re forced to depend on the people who take care of you.
The people who feed and clothe you. Their word has to be final and you
have to obey. Just…give in. And I just didn’t have the energy to
challenge his boundaries anymore. They were too tight, too narrow. It
was like being locked in a box wrapped in barbwire. And considering what
he thinks about me and my ‘kind’…it was self loathing humiliation to
have to stand there and take it. But what alternative did I have?It was maybe 30 minutes later, and I was almost a mile away from the
map’s starting point. I had been marching my way through low branches
and mosquito infested puddles for about as long as I could stand. I had
a pretty good idea of where I was going. And if I got lot, all I had to
do was head North and it would take me right back to the main road. So I
just continued along, putting down those stupid little trail markers and
silently grumbling to myself while my mind became consumed with mental
‘noise’. And then…as I walked past a particularly large tree…I heard
a voice. Calm and steady, but enchanting in its tone.”You look like you’re having about as much fun as a smashed fly.” I
jumped a little at first, but recognized him right away. I turned to see
Sebastian standing up against the tree, one knee slightly bent, hands in
his pockets, and his soft brown hair partially obscuring his eyes from
view. You would have thought that he had been waiting there all day for
me by his comfort. “What do you want, Sebastian?” I pouted, not paying him much mind. “I wanna know where your smile went, sweetheart. You seemed much
happier yesterday.”"Yeah, well that was before I came home and got busted for being gone
all fucking day. Thanks to YOU guys.”"Hey, don’t blame us for your misfortune. We told you what would
happen if you went home. If you had listened to us, you’d be waking up
next to me with a smile on your face instead of….whatever it is you
think you’re doing.”"I’m marking a hiking trail.” I said, and kept walking.”Marking a trail…how unique.” He said, but when I didn’t turn
around, he stood upright and began to follow me.”So where are the REST of your ‘friends’? Decide to sleep in this
morning?” I said with a sarcastic sneer.”Doing other things. Up to no good, probably.”"So why aren’t you with them?”"I wanted to see you.” He said, a hauntingly seductive tone
ceeping into his voice. “See me?”"Yeah…” A bashful smile crossed his lips. “…I thought we had a
‘date’ for last night. You and me…alone in the upstairs bedroom,
remember? I was sort of looking forward to it.”"Right.” I told him flatly. I rolled my eyes at the idea. Sure.
Sebastian wanted me. Whatever. I’m not buying it, and I’m not going to
let him trick me anymore either.”Great. Well, here I am. You’ve seen me. Satisfied? Now go home. I’ve
got ‘chores’ to do.”"We ARE quite hostile this morning, aren’t we?”I stopped walking to stare him in the face. “Listen…you guys got me
into a LOT of trouble last night! You practically KIDNAP me, drag me all
over God knows where, and then you Preteen Lolita Cp threaten me right in front of
my own damn house? Exactly what part of yesterday’s ‘activities’
makes you think that I can trust you ever again?”"Let’s set the record straight, junior…just in case you were thinking
of playing the innocent victim in all this. You were a willing
participant of everything that happened yesterday. The ride, the
singing, the sex, ditching camp…you played your part because you
wanted to. Not because we tied you up and held you at gunpoint.
You did it of your own free will, Wesley…and you enjoyed it. It
excited you, didn’t it? It thrilled you. And like it or not, ten,
fifteen, twenty years from now…you’ll look back on that day and smile.
Because you got to let go. You got to be free…for just a little while.
You’re not going to remember good grades and church meeting and pats on
the back from dear old dad…no.” Sebastian moved closer, resting his
chin on my shoulder as he stopped me from walking. He whispered in my
ear, “Noooo….you’re going to remember that kiss, overlooking the beach
bonfire at Rainbow’s End. You’re going to remember holding onto the side
of that truck as it whipped around corners at 50 miles an hour. And
you’re going to remember what it was like…the first time you sucked me
into your mouth, and tasted the unforgettable flavor of your first boy
on boy sexual encounter.” His whispers hypnotized me, and I felt a
shiver run through me. “You’re going to look back and think about those
hands on you. Those lips. Those tongues. Touching you on all sides. It
felt good….didn’t it, Wesley? It felt soooo good.” He reached his hand
around me to gently rub my stomach, and I felt it begin to slide lower.
“It’s Ok. I’m here to tell you that it’s ok to enjoy those
things. To indulge in whatever desires Preteen Lolita Cp you have readily available to
you. It doesn’t make you ‘wicked’ to go afterwhat you want. To enjoy the
taste of sex, or to follow a destructive impulse, or to entertain a few
impure thoughts now and then. We accept you, Wesley. We want to
help you get what YOU want. In a few days time…you won’t have any
other choice. You’re going to have to come with us sooner or later.
We’re in your blood. And it’s going to get worse.” I listened, sure. But
I moved away from him the second his fingertips began to fiddle with the
belt on my jeans. I won’t let him do it. Not this time. This is how I
got into Preteen Lolita Cp trouble in the first place.”Cyrus ‘SENT’ you. Didn’t he?” I said. “He sent you out here to
retrieve me because he knew I’d be attracted to you. Well, you know
what? You can go back and tell Cyrus that I don’t want to have anything
to do with ANY of you anymore. I’m done. Tell him thanks for the
memories. Oh…and that he can shove his ‘three days’ up his ass.” I
stormed off and went back to marking the trail. But Sebastian only
smiled at me when I looked back to see if he was still behind me.”You know something? You’re awfully cute when you’re trying to struggle
with your own heart.” He caught up to me and walked by my side. I didn’t
have anything more to say to him though. Screw him. Screw all of them.
So I just kept walking, marking the trail, and ignoring the hell out of
him the entire time. But he stayed right there at my side. For the next
fifteen minutes, all he did was whistle softly, occassionally glancing
at me from the side. It annoyed and frustrated me to no end. Why won’t
he just leave me the hell alone? After fifteen minutes, even my most
stubborn instincts gave way and I told him, “I’m NOT coming back
with you! What the hell is your problem?”"I never said anything about coming back. I’m attempting to enjoy your
company.” He grinned.”You’re a fucking FREAK, you know that?”"Sticks and stones, Wes. If I’m a freak…then what are
you?”"Just go away already! I DON’T want you here!” I shouted. “As if I
didn’t have ENOUGH bullshit to deal with!”"That’s good! Shout louder! Get it all out! Hehehe!” He said. “Give it
to me! ALL of it! You’ve got BULLSHIT to deal with! Bullshit like what?
Tell me!”His hand reached out, giving me a light shove to the back of my
shoulder, and I snapped. I involuntarily reached out an angry hand to
grab him by the shirt. I raised my fist in the air, and was ready to
push it right through his pretty FACE if I had to. “I swear to
God…”"Go ahead.” He said, not even flinching. “Come on. Do it. Let’s see you
follow through on that.” But I thought about it, and I let him go, and
lowered my fist. Then I turned my back on him and kept walking. “Oh come
ON, kid! Is that all you’ve got? You spend more time fighting
‘yourself’ than you do fighting the people that hurt and annoy you. Why?
What’s the point?”"I’m not like you.”"But you ARE like me, Wesley. You’re just putting a whole lot of effort
into trying to be someone else. It’s an awful drain, isn’t it?” He said,
and I kept walking, making sure not to go too far off track. “Tell me
something…with all of that ‘practice’ at being what your dad wants you
to be…did he appreciate it?”"What?” I said angrily. “Don’t you worry yourself about my father and
me. We’re fine.”"Fine, huh? So you mean to tell me that you two are as close as can be?
One hundred percent truth between you, straight down the middle, no
excuses?” He asked, and I stopped walking again.”What are you talking about?”"You work hard at being what he needs you to be, right? Good son. Good
student. Good Christian. So you two should be close enough where nothing
could come between you. Am I right, or am I wrong?”"I told you…things are fine.” I lied.”Things? What things?” He asked, moving closer. “I’m willing to bet
there’s one thing that he doesn’t know.”"So what? It doesn’t matter.”"But it DOES matter. It’s who you are. And you let him shame you into
keeping it a secret. How ‘fine’ is that?” Sebastian let a smirk cross
his lips. “What happens when you tell him, Wes?” I didn’t answer. I let
my eyes drop slowly to my shoes. “What happens….when you
tell him…Wes?”I pictured that look in his eyes…telling me to stay away from Preteen Lolita Cp Freddie.
They were so angry. So judgemental. And it hurt all over again. “I don’t
know.” I said weakly.”I think you do.”"Look, I’ve gotta finish this and get back before the end of lunch…” I
said, feeling my eyes glaze over with the beginning of tears. I turned
around and started reaching for another handful of flags. My hands shook
slightly, and I ended up pulling a bunch of the flags out at once,
spilling them out of my backpack and onto the trail. “Dammit…” I got
down on my knees and hurried to pick them back up again. “He judged you, didn’t he?” Sebastian asked. “He yelled at you,
told you how wrong it was for you to have fun with us yesterday, rubbed
it in further at every given opportunity?” I just scrambled to pick up
the flags, doing my best to tune him out. “He’s trying to keep you
innocent by keeping you ignorant, Wesley. The more you think for
yourself, the less control he has.”"I’ve got stuff to do. Please…just go.”"They’ve made a puppet of you. That’s what they do. Through shame, and
guilt, and pressure, and fear…they control you. They tell you what to
do, who you are, what you’ll be when you grow up, where to go to school,
when to eat, when to sleep…and you let them feed you this garbage. You
allow them to embarrass you out of being yourself. Out of having
fun, or sharing a laugh, or having sex. Aren’t you tired of feeling like
this?”"I don’t have a choice…” I sniffled.”You DO have a choice! And why should you sacrifice ANYTHING about who
you are? You should be embracing your true self, that’s where the
real power lies. Not in some silly ficticious pecking order set up by a
few old bald men and corrupt politicians. People waste their whole lives
away trying to play the system in order to get what they want. It
doesn’t work for them anymore than trying to be your father’s favorite
son is working for you.”I picked up the last flag from the ground and put it into my bag. “I’ve
gotta go.”"You shouldn’t be punishing yourself for what happened yesterday,
Wesley. Preteen Lolita Cp
And your dad shouldn’t judge you. WE didn’t.” He said
from behind me. “That’s different.”"How is that different?”"It just is.” I started to walk away, but he followed me again. “Why don’t you talk to me? What is it with you that wants to keep it all
bottled up inside?”"I can’t just run around being crazy all day, Sebastian. I need
structure. And boundaries.”"Create your OWN structure. Your OWN boundaries. Who knows what you want
and need better than you do, right?”"Look, I just CAN’T, ok? No matter what he says or does to me, I just
have to do what I’m told. He’s my father.”"He’s a MAN. Just like any other man. Wesley…just say ‘no’. If you
don’t wanna be here, if you don’t like your punishment, if you don’t
want to be Preteen Lolita Cp
sent out into the wilderness with a backpack of little red
flags…just tell him no. What could he POSSIBLY do to you?”"Are you asking me to forsake my own father?” I asked.Sebastian’s Preteen Lolita Cp face softened, and without blnking, he replied, “I’m asking
you to realize…that he has forsaken you.” I paused for a
moment, and he added, “The longer you submit yourself to this game, the
longer you convince yourself that you HAVE to be here…the harder it’s
going to be to break free.” Our eyes connected for a moment, and then I
walked away to finish marking my trail. Just like I promised that I
would. But this time…Sebastian didn’t follow me. He only leaned back
against another tree with a grin. “Otherwise, Wes…it’s no different
than convincing yourself that we ‘kidnapped’ you yesterday. If you wanna
leave…just leave. Don’t pretend that you have nowhere to go.” I kept
going. No more temptation. No more influence. No more little speeches
about ‘letting go’. Nick said ONE more screw up and I’m Preteen Lolita Cp history. I’m not
about to risk it. Not in my last week here.”Oh…and by the way…” Sebastian called out. “…Picking dark little
side paths like you did last night when you tried to ‘run off’ from
us…” He giggled a bit. “…It doesn’t work on John Boy. He never
needed the light to begin with. I suggest you find yourself a better
strategy next time.”I spun around, hearing a faint echo of Sebastian’s laughter…but he was
gone. Completely gone. Sighhh…whatever. He’s probably hiding behind a
tree or something to spook me out. I don’t care. I’m sticking to the
plan, and that’s that. No more games.I repeated in my mind, over and over again. Hoping to keep any thoughts
of Sebastian or Cyrus or ANY of them from entering my head. They were
just using me. Every last one of them. I knew better. And I’m not going
to let them keep doing it to me over and over again. I’m through, I’m
done. As for my father, I’ll deal with him on my own. For now…I
just…I wanna avoid more trouble. That’s all.I continued down the trail, frustrated, without any more run ins with my
beautiful stranger. But…somehow, a piece of him stayed with me. A
piece of all of them stayed with me. And as I felt another fever wash
over me, causing my stomach to ache and my forehead to burn…it was
like I could feel their ‘imprint’ on me. Like they were inside me.
Swimming in my blood like a virus, devouring everything in its path.
With every fever I felt like I got stronger. Faster. More alert. I had
never had my own body feel so unpredictably foreign before. But whatever
it was that was doing this to me…there were moments when it felt
great.I wonder if this was the Preteen Lolita Cp
feeling that Cyrus was talking about. If those
little doors he had opened up inside of me were leading me to some kind
of Preteen Lolita Cp full body nirvana of some sort. Hehehe, it sounds strange, but I
can’t deny…I’ve ever been so…’healthy’. I felt like I could knock
down a tree at this point. And if only my mind wasn’t so bogged down
with other bullshit, I might actually be able to do it. Yes…if this was the feeling Cyrus was talking about…then I have to
admit……I want more.Checkmate.
Thanks so much for reading the new chapter of “Savage Moon”, and for
sending such GREAT feedback about the storyline! I truly appreciate
every word, and I see the fanbase growing more and more with each new
chapter! Thanks! I certainly hope you enjoyed this new episode in the
series, and will be back soon for more! All emails are welcome at
Comicalitywebtv.net or you can drop by the website at http://comicality.gayauthors.org
(And don’t forget to sign the guestbook!)Look for a new “Savage Moon” chapter in the near future! And if you like
this series, and want to check out another sci-fi/horror story of mine
(’Vampires’)…be sure to look for “Gone From
Daylight”!!! Either on my website, or right here at Nifty!
Tell your friends! :)

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